I Have No Manners
I feel that it's safe to make the general statement that ALL Balinese are extremely polite and nice. I usually don't like to make general statements about a group of people like that--every person is entitled to their own identity separate from a group--but I think I can seriously say this about the Balinese.
More than the language, I'm finding the Balinese customs of hospitality and respect to be difficult to pick up. In the US I feel that besides the requisite "please and "thank you" and remembering not to burp or pass gas in public, I really don't have manners. My parents can attest to the fact that it usually doesn't cross my mind to send thank you cards. And when I have visitors or guests over I usually just tell them to make themselves at home, really expecting them to just get a drink or take a snack if they want to without me having to offer. And I sure as hell don't conform to the rules of etiquette, though my mom did by me an Emily Post book on etiquette last Christmas.
Here in Bali, however, it is rude to not follow the customs of politeness. Here's the typical routine when visiting someone's house:
Upon entering, you take off your shoes. You greet your hosts in the typical Balinese style by putting your hands together in the prayer position, slightly bowing your head and saying "Omswastiastu." When speaking with people older than you or people you don't know, you use more formal language and forms of address. If you are speaking Balinese, you speak in "high" or "low" Balinese depending on the caste of the person you are talking too (thankfully, I can just stick to speaking Indonesian for now). When you sit down, everyone either sits at the same level or the person of higher class or greater age sits higher than the rest. As a visitor you will without a doubt be offered sweet snacks and tea and coffee and you are expected to accept them, even if you've just eaten at a buffet restaurant. I usually try to eat a light lunch if I'm expecting to make multiple visits in one afternoon. It's typical to ask people "sudah makan?" (if they've already eaten) and "sudah mandi?" (if they've already bathed) around mealtimes and bath times. If you get up or leave you say permisi (excuse me) with a slight nod of the head and a smile. If you walk past or between two people you slightly bend over and let the arm on the offending side hang. It's polite to stay for a good while and chat. Quick visits are rare. When leaving, you should acknowledge everyone in the room with a head nod and say "mari" or "permisi."
For some reason, I'm still an awkward, bumbling foreigner when it comes to these customs. I mumble permisi at the wrong times, I forget to say terima kasih after being offered a meal, and my small talk skills are poor. And forget being a host. I try to stock my house with little snacks to put out when visitors come but so far I haven't been successful in getting my guests to take my snacks. I'm okay at making Balinese coffee (you leave the grinds in the cup) and tea is easy but I think I get a little overzealous with offering. Like if a friend picks me up to go somewhere, I don't have to offer them a ton of snacks and make tea. My house doesn't really have comfortable or practical places for people to sit when they come over so we usually just sit on the floor, which is acceptable but makes my legs fall asleep. I'm also usually pretty awkward with the host's responsibility of entertaining the guest, as there's not much in my house and I don't know the surrounding area very well. Thank god for my ping-pong table, but for non-serious ping-pong players that gets old after the second visit.
All in all, I guess this is all just a part of growing up. As a kid I could always just depend on my parents to take care of the hospitality and I always got by with a minimal amount of politeness. However, now that I am living alone and responsible for myself, I know I have to not only take full reign of the housekeeping and errands, but I must also be hospitable, polite, and courteous. It makes me wonder, did Peter Pan have to offer his guests snacks in NeverNever Land?
More than the language, I'm finding the Balinese customs of hospitality and respect to be difficult to pick up. In the US I feel that besides the requisite "please and "thank you" and remembering not to burp or pass gas in public, I really don't have manners. My parents can attest to the fact that it usually doesn't cross my mind to send thank you cards. And when I have visitors or guests over I usually just tell them to make themselves at home, really expecting them to just get a drink or take a snack if they want to without me having to offer. And I sure as hell don't conform to the rules of etiquette, though my mom did by me an Emily Post book on etiquette last Christmas.
Here in Bali, however, it is rude to not follow the customs of politeness. Here's the typical routine when visiting someone's house:
Upon entering, you take off your shoes. You greet your hosts in the typical Balinese style by putting your hands together in the prayer position, slightly bowing your head and saying "Omswastiastu." When speaking with people older than you or people you don't know, you use more formal language and forms of address. If you are speaking Balinese, you speak in "high" or "low" Balinese depending on the caste of the person you are talking too (thankfully, I can just stick to speaking Indonesian for now). When you sit down, everyone either sits at the same level or the person of higher class or greater age sits higher than the rest. As a visitor you will without a doubt be offered sweet snacks and tea and coffee and you are expected to accept them, even if you've just eaten at a buffet restaurant. I usually try to eat a light lunch if I'm expecting to make multiple visits in one afternoon. It's typical to ask people "sudah makan?" (if they've already eaten) and "sudah mandi?" (if they've already bathed) around mealtimes and bath times. If you get up or leave you say permisi (excuse me) with a slight nod of the head and a smile. If you walk past or between two people you slightly bend over and let the arm on the offending side hang. It's polite to stay for a good while and chat. Quick visits are rare. When leaving, you should acknowledge everyone in the room with a head nod and say "mari" or "permisi."
For some reason, I'm still an awkward, bumbling foreigner when it comes to these customs. I mumble permisi at the wrong times, I forget to say terima kasih after being offered a meal, and my small talk skills are poor. And forget being a host. I try to stock my house with little snacks to put out when visitors come but so far I haven't been successful in getting my guests to take my snacks. I'm okay at making Balinese coffee (you leave the grinds in the cup) and tea is easy but I think I get a little overzealous with offering. Like if a friend picks me up to go somewhere, I don't have to offer them a ton of snacks and make tea. My house doesn't really have comfortable or practical places for people to sit when they come over so we usually just sit on the floor, which is acceptable but makes my legs fall asleep. I'm also usually pretty awkward with the host's responsibility of entertaining the guest, as there's not much in my house and I don't know the surrounding area very well. Thank god for my ping-pong table, but for non-serious ping-pong players that gets old after the second visit.
All in all, I guess this is all just a part of growing up. As a kid I could always just depend on my parents to take care of the hospitality and I always got by with a minimal amount of politeness. However, now that I am living alone and responsible for myself, I know I have to not only take full reign of the housekeeping and errands, but I must also be hospitable, polite, and courteous. It makes me wonder, did Peter Pan have to offer his guests snacks in NeverNever Land?
posted by Angie at 2:31 PM
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