Thoughts on Nationality and Identity

From the second I got here I've been trying to adapt and not stand out as much as possible, no matter how conservative this small town is. At first I was game; so what if I can't go out on the weekends cause only guys go out, and so what if I can't drink or smoke because only bad girls do that, and so what if I have to adhere to a cultural code that is so conservative by American standards because it's based on respect and resisting vices and evils. I say so what because in exchange for all of that I feel loved, respected and cared for by two very generous families, I am respected and included in my school community, and I am generally welcomed by all in this small Balinese town. I am not outcasted.

Besides being conservative though, Balinese seem to be very laidback and people generally have a take-life-as-it-comes, don't-sweat-the-small-stuff type attitude. The reaction to the recent bombings is a good example of this. Most Balinese I know seemed to feel that the bombings were horrible but that's life and shit happens and you move on. There's not that ultra-defensive prepare-for-the-worst-case-scenario type attitude that exploded in the US after 9/11 .

However, lately I've been struggling with the contrast in identities as an independent woman from the US and an obedient Balinese girl. I had a little drama here that challenged my former contentedness with becoming Balinese. Before my birthday, I brought an Indonesian friend from another island, a surfer with a mohawk and two earrings, to visit. I quickly realized, though, that I can't bring "badboy" surfer friends to my town. I shocked the pants off my two Balinese moms.

Before, I was trying to balance my Americanness with my newfound Balineseness but I'm finding that it's more of a one-or-the-other type thing. As long as I'm in this town in Bali, I have to conform if I want to be accepted. As hard as that is. That means removing the nose ring before going to school, pretending I'm a virgin, etc. It seems wrong, to pretend to be something I'm not, but for two Balinese mothers who see me as their Balinese daughter I would be causing them even more stress and unnecessary worry by being my independent "American self". In exchange for their love and protection I won't give them stress. It's not lying it's more just adapting...something I've done my whole multicultural life.

At the same time I can't help but defend my "Americanness" and think, hey, this is a cultural exchange and so understanding on the part of Balinese should be expected, right? Maybe by being my independent, make-my-own-choices "US" self I'm actually providing perspective for many Balinese here on what young people in the US are like? But I can't represent all "Americans"...

Damn I never thought I'd be identifying so much as an "American" but here the contrast between US and Balinese cultures is so apparent to me (more than in any other country I've been to) that I have I'm kinda clinging to my US identity more than ever...sigh.

Chickens On Bali May Have Bird Flu

I frequently get warning emails about this from the US Embassy. In Bali, however, pork is the meat of choice. Damn do the Balinese love dem some pig. And being the good little foreigner that wants to adapt I've been served pork in so many ways that I've never tried before. Some good , and some have had me running to the squatter. I've never been that fond of pork anyway...

Don't be fooled though, KFC's are still everywhere on this island. And if not KFC, then rip offs by the name of CFC (California Fried Chicken) and DFC (Dallas Fried Chicken). But damn they don't make it like they do at home *drool*

So no pork, no chicken...dammit that's it I'm becoming a vegetarian.

First Month School and Teaching Evaluation

* This is an evaluation I wrote for my bosses regarding my teaching experiences during the first month.

I began my first lesson at the public high school by unknowingly smearing whiteboard pen ink above my upper lip and having the whole class snicker until Ibu Made came up to me with a handkerchief and in the most motherly way wiped the moustache off my sweaty, red-cheeked face. I recovered from the incident with a huge smile and a quick joke and continued my introduction with confidence. That incident is a perfect illustration of my experiences at Sekolah Menengah Atas Negeri (State Senior High School), SMAN. It has been a process of quick adaptation to a new school system, cultural rules, and teaching style. I have made some mistakes, culturally and professionally, but my colleagues have been quick to point them out and put me back in order. My attitude has been to be patient, learn from experience, and be humble but confident. So far it has led to a successful and rewarding first month.

The staff at SMAN has been nothing but kind and supportive. Ibu Made, the English teacher who has taken me under her wing at school, has made sure that I am taken care of at school and at home. Whether it be taking me shopping for appropriate school clothes, getting help with lesson plans, or even just taking me to the market, Ibu Made has made herself available and open to any concerns or requests that I may have. She has been a great source of comfort and support for me, especially in period of adaptation in the first month.

The rest of the staff and administration are also very kind and helpful. Most are eager to speak English with me or help me to learn Bahasa Indonesia. The administration is very receptive and supportive—I have been given unlimited internet access and in certain instances granted permission to leave school early to see a ceremony.

The other English teachers are also great. We have excellent rapport and good working relationships that make figuring out lessons and schedules basically hassle-free. The teachers are open to my ideas for lessons as well as my “make-English-learning-fun” approach in creating activities for class. My only problem has been that teachers usually do not discuss lesson plans until the last minute, such as right before a class period, but I have taken the initiative to find teachers at least a day beforehand to coordinate about lesson plans.

The lessons themselves have been going well. I meet with all 18 classes (720 or so students) but I only see each class once every two weeks. The first two weeks of lessons I introduced myself to students and then opened the floor to Q&A and received questions as difficult as "What about free sex (premarital sex) in America?" (to which I gave a very general answer about personal decisions). The last two weeks consisted of speaking lessons, which were usually hit or miss the first time and then adapted to be reused in other classes. I have been trying as much as possible to create fun activities to go with the lessons in the book so that the students don’t fall behind. The students are for the most part very respectful and excited every time I walk into their classes, which I feed off of when I lead classes, and makes the lessons that much more exciting. My biggest challenge has been trying to find appropriate level of difficulty in creating lessons for each grade (10, 11, and 12). I have found however that each class is different and the more I meet with them the better able I am to discern their ability level on the whole.

As far as my schedule goes, I teach 16 hours in even weeks and 20 in odd weeks. In order to teach every class, my schedule includes Saturday classes, which I told Ibu Made that I do not mind. So, my off days are Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. To make up for the missing 4 hours in even weeks I spend some of my off periods talking informally with teachers, as was requested by the vice-principal. I was also asked to meet with students who are going to an English debate competition, so I spent extra time meeting with them. I realize that the Saturday classes and extra hours are not required in our contract, but I enjoy being able to help out at school and do not mind getting to converse with people at school outside of the classroom setting. In addition, I participate in a women’s gamelan orchestra at school. This has been one of the many highlights of experience at SMAN.

Basically, I look forward to going to school everyday. I have very positive interactions with everyone I encounter at school and I enjoy my classes. My experiences at SMAN have contributed to an overall amazing experience in Tabanan and to my own personal blossoming of character and personal development.