Looking Back to Move Forward

No, I didn't die of the bird flu or run off and get married to my Balinese boyfriend. The last six months in Bali just went by in a blur.

The lack of blogs posted from January to June attest to the fact that my life in Bali became significantly busier after January. Work, friends, and *gasp* a boyfriend. Hanging out with friends playing djembe and guitar, taking trips to different places all over the island...that was basically what I did after working til afternoon everyday. I got into the flow of things, the laidback lifestyle, mostly as a result of spending most of my time with the boy (name: I Gusti Putu Arya Vidya Danta, aka John). Things got a bit rough as the town's favorite gossip subject, so I moved to John's village and stayed with his ultra-cool and openminded family. Of course, my two Balinese "moms" weren't too pleased about that, but I did my best to placate them and live my life as an independent, free-to-choose woman.

As my year in Bali was drawing to a close, I began to really think about my next step. At the time, I wanted nothing more to get back to the Western world--hot water, more options for women, and great Mexican food were at the top of my list of reasons I wanted to go home. However, after all I had invested in my life in Bali, I wasn't quite ready to give it all up. To keep my options opened, I applied for a few teaching jobs around the island. And, whaddya know, I got a callback from a private English teaching company. After being offered a job and one-year contract to work with them, I had to make a quick life decision--another year in Bali or starting my "real life" of debt, job searching, and graduate school back in the States. Well, what would you have done? Though incredibly homesick and ready to leave, I took the job.

Now I'm back in the States for some quality catching up time with family and friends. At the end of August my new company flies me back to Bali to begin my new and improved Balinese life. Everything I've experienced and learned in the past year will hopefully make this coming year more comfortable and enjoyable. I won't be living so much like a Balinese as I did in the past. I'll probably only eat rice two times a day instead of three. And goodbye small town, hello bigger town! I'll hopefully be living nearer to all the other Westerners who have fled their native lands searching for something in Bali. But I'll still have to live close enough to my old town to visit once in a while. Balancing the traditional Asian with the Western. Because that's me.

The Meaning of Community

I've been a part of many communities in my life. The Pomona College community. The multiracial, black, and Filipino communities. My family community. Even the El Camino Youth Flute Choir community. However, there have been times in my life when I've felt detached from all communities, and on my own. Graduating from high school I became more of an adult and less dependent on my family. Graduating from college I became alumnus, meaning I will forever be a welcome donor but I can no longer be a participant in the community as I was before in fear of being labeled a sad, sketchy alum that keeps coming back for parties. Coming out to Bali I've felt disconnected from all of my former communities. Lately I've been thinking, how important is it to me that I feel like part of a community?

In Bali, all Balinese are part of a community whether they like it or not. Every village is divided into banjars, or neighborhoods. But these neighborhoods entail more responsibility than your average Neighborhood Watch program. As part of a banjar each family and every family member is expected to take an active part in the ceremonies and activities of the banjar. These ceremonies include odalans (a week of temple ceremonies for some reason that I can't figure out), cremation ceremonies (for anyone in the banjar who dies), marriage ceremonies, etc. Preparing for these ceremonies takes a lot of work. There are offerings to be made, food to be cooked, decorations to be created...and I'm not talking just taking a trip to Party City and buying balloons or buying ready-made cookies from the supermarket. These necessities are all prepared by hand. Offerings are made by folding banana and coconut leaves like origami and adding the right assortment of food, money, or flowers. Decorations are also created from scratch with long leaves of plants and thin sticks used hold the designs together. The people of the banjar come together and chat and drink coffee and prepare for ceremonies together on a weekly basis. They visit a neighbor if a loved one dies to give their condolences. Their kids play together in the local field. They celebrate love, loss, and prayer together their whole lives. That's community.

I'm realizing more and more that, for me, being part of a community is necessary. A support system is something that I've always taken for granted. So, I decided last week that I will go home for Christmas. While my own personal growth and life experiences are important, I want to make sure that I also remain part of my communities back home. So I will return to celebrate love, loss, and holy days with the people that mean the most to me.

Knee-length Skirts and Motorcycles

...are a bad combination. On the days I have to teach, I go to school in style: a button-up, batik print teacher uniform top complete with shoulder pads, high-heeled shoes, and a knee-length skirt. Then I strap on that bulky motorcycle helmet, wear my school bag across my shoulders, and hop on my Honda Supra...with my knees pressed together of course. Because a knee-length skirt doesn't allow for much else when riding a motorcycle.

This can lead to many complications. While riding a motorcycle, one occasionally needs to put their foot down for balance. This isn't easy in a skirt. In a skirt you are prone to falling over. When parking your bike and wearing a skirt, take care not to topple over the other bikes while trying to squirm off the bike. I say squirm because that's what one must do in order to successfully dismount the bike . I always try to imitate the graceful movements of the penguin in moments such as these.

It's just as difficult to try to go up a driveway. When you have to stop, usually you put your foot down for balance. However in a skirt, that can lead to disaster. So, I've taken to dismounting the bike on a level surface and walking next to bike as I guide it up the driveway, hand on the accelerator to give it a little gas (it's a heavy bike, can't push it up on my own!). But be careful that your hand doesn't slip and give too much gas cause then you'll be pulled uphill by your bike. This is exactly what happened to me yesterday. I had to let go of the bike and it crashed into a mud puddle in front of my neighbor's (the owner of the bike) house. A BRAND spankin-new motorcycle. Whew, thank god there was no damage.

So, like I said. Motorcycles and knee-length skirts are a bad match. Too bad my school doesn't let female teachers wear pants!

I Have No Manners

I feel that it's safe to make the general statement that ALL Balinese are extremely polite and nice. I usually don't like to make general statements about a group of people like that--every person is entitled to their own identity separate from a group--but I think I can seriously say this about the Balinese.

More than the language, I'm finding the Balinese customs of hospitality and respect to be difficult to pick up. In the US I feel that besides the requisite "please and "thank you" and remembering not to burp or pass gas in public, I really don't have manners. My parents can attest to the fact that it usually doesn't cross my mind to send thank you cards. And when I have visitors or guests over I usually just tell them to make themselves at home, really expecting them to just get a drink or take a snack if they want to without me having to offer. And I sure as hell don't conform to the rules of etiquette, though my mom did by me an Emily Post book on etiquette last Christmas.

Here in Bali, however, it is rude to not follow the customs of politeness. Here's the typical routine when visiting someone's house:

Upon entering, you take off your shoes. You greet your hosts in the typical Balinese style by putting your hands together in the prayer position, slightly bowing your head and saying "Omswastiastu." When speaking with people older than you or people you don't know, you use more formal language and forms of address. If you are speaking Balinese, you speak in "high" or "low" Balinese depending on the caste of the person you are talking too (thankfully, I can just stick to speaking Indonesian for now). When you sit down, everyone either sits at the same level or the person of higher class or greater age sits higher than the rest. As a visitor you will without a doubt be offered sweet snacks and tea and coffee and you are expected to accept them, even if you've just eaten at a buffet restaurant. I usually try to eat a light lunch if I'm expecting to make multiple visits in one afternoon. It's typical to ask people "sudah makan?" (if they've already eaten) and "sudah mandi?" (if they've already bathed) around mealtimes and bath times. If you get up or leave you say permisi (excuse me) with a slight nod of the head and a smile. If you walk past or between two people you slightly bend over and let the arm on the offending side hang. It's polite to stay for a good while and chat. Quick visits are rare. When leaving, you should acknowledge everyone in the room with a head nod and say "mari" or "permisi."

For some reason, I'm still an awkward, bumbling foreigner when it comes to these customs. I mumble permisi at the wrong times, I forget to say terima kasih after being offered a meal, and my small talk skills are poor. And forget being a host. I try to stock my house with little snacks to put out when visitors come but so far I haven't been successful in getting my guests to take my snacks. I'm okay at making Balinese coffee (you leave the grinds in the cup) and tea is easy but I think I get a little overzealous with offering. Like if a friend picks me up to go somewhere, I don't have to offer them a ton of snacks and make tea. My house doesn't really have comfortable or practical places for people to sit when they come over so we usually just sit on the floor, which is acceptable but makes my legs fall asleep. I'm also usually pretty awkward with the host's responsibility of entertaining the guest, as there's not much in my house and I don't know the surrounding area very well. Thank god for my ping-pong table, but for non-serious ping-pong players that gets old after the second visit.

All in all, I guess this is all just a part of growing up. As a kid I could always just depend on my parents to take care of the hospitality and I always got by with a minimal amount of politeness. However, now that I am living alone and responsible for myself, I know I have to not only take full reign of the housekeeping and errands, but I must also be hospitable, polite, and courteous. It makes me wonder, did Peter Pan have to offer his guests snacks in NeverNever Land?

Thoughts on Nationality and Identity

From the second I got here I've been trying to adapt and not stand out as much as possible, no matter how conservative this small town is. At first I was game; so what if I can't go out on the weekends cause only guys go out, and so what if I can't drink or smoke because only bad girls do that, and so what if I have to adhere to a cultural code that is so conservative by American standards because it's based on respect and resisting vices and evils. I say so what because in exchange for all of that I feel loved, respected and cared for by two very generous families, I am respected and included in my school community, and I am generally welcomed by all in this small Balinese town. I am not outcasted.

Besides being conservative though, Balinese seem to be very laidback and people generally have a take-life-as-it-comes, don't-sweat-the-small-stuff type attitude. The reaction to the recent bombings is a good example of this. Most Balinese I know seemed to feel that the bombings were horrible but that's life and shit happens and you move on. There's not that ultra-defensive prepare-for-the-worst-case-scenario type attitude that exploded in the US after 9/11 .

However, lately I've been struggling with the contrast in identities as an independent woman from the US and an obedient Balinese girl. I had a little drama here that challenged my former contentedness with becoming Balinese. Before my birthday, I brought an Indonesian friend from another island, a surfer with a mohawk and two earrings, to visit. I quickly realized, though, that I can't bring "badboy" surfer friends to my town. I shocked the pants off my two Balinese moms.

Before, I was trying to balance my Americanness with my newfound Balineseness but I'm finding that it's more of a one-or-the-other type thing. As long as I'm in this town in Bali, I have to conform if I want to be accepted. As hard as that is. That means removing the nose ring before going to school, pretending I'm a virgin, etc. It seems wrong, to pretend to be something I'm not, but for two Balinese mothers who see me as their Balinese daughter I would be causing them even more stress and unnecessary worry by being my independent "American self". In exchange for their love and protection I won't give them stress. It's not lying it's more just adapting...something I've done my whole multicultural life.

At the same time I can't help but defend my "Americanness" and think, hey, this is a cultural exchange and so understanding on the part of Balinese should be expected, right? Maybe by being my independent, make-my-own-choices "US" self I'm actually providing perspective for many Balinese here on what young people in the US are like? But I can't represent all "Americans"...

Damn I never thought I'd be identifying so much as an "American" but here the contrast between US and Balinese cultures is so apparent to me (more than in any other country I've been to) that I have I'm kinda clinging to my US identity more than ever...sigh.

Chickens On Bali May Have Bird Flu

I frequently get warning emails about this from the US Embassy. In Bali, however, pork is the meat of choice. Damn do the Balinese love dem some pig. And being the good little foreigner that wants to adapt I've been served pork in so many ways that I've never tried before. Some good , and some have had me running to the squatter. I've never been that fond of pork anyway...

Don't be fooled though, KFC's are still everywhere on this island. And if not KFC, then rip offs by the name of CFC (California Fried Chicken) and DFC (Dallas Fried Chicken). But damn they don't make it like they do at home *drool*

So no pork, no chicken...dammit that's it I'm becoming a vegetarian.

First Month School and Teaching Evaluation

* This is an evaluation I wrote for my bosses regarding my teaching experiences during the first month.

I began my first lesson at the public high school by unknowingly smearing whiteboard pen ink above my upper lip and having the whole class snicker until Ibu Made came up to me with a handkerchief and in the most motherly way wiped the moustache off my sweaty, red-cheeked face. I recovered from the incident with a huge smile and a quick joke and continued my introduction with confidence. That incident is a perfect illustration of my experiences at Sekolah Menengah Atas Negeri (State Senior High School), SMAN. It has been a process of quick adaptation to a new school system, cultural rules, and teaching style. I have made some mistakes, culturally and professionally, but my colleagues have been quick to point them out and put me back in order. My attitude has been to be patient, learn from experience, and be humble but confident. So far it has led to a successful and rewarding first month.

The staff at SMAN has been nothing but kind and supportive. Ibu Made, the English teacher who has taken me under her wing at school, has made sure that I am taken care of at school and at home. Whether it be taking me shopping for appropriate school clothes, getting help with lesson plans, or even just taking me to the market, Ibu Made has made herself available and open to any concerns or requests that I may have. She has been a great source of comfort and support for me, especially in period of adaptation in the first month.

The rest of the staff and administration are also very kind and helpful. Most are eager to speak English with me or help me to learn Bahasa Indonesia. The administration is very receptive and supportive—I have been given unlimited internet access and in certain instances granted permission to leave school early to see a ceremony.

The other English teachers are also great. We have excellent rapport and good working relationships that make figuring out lessons and schedules basically hassle-free. The teachers are open to my ideas for lessons as well as my “make-English-learning-fun” approach in creating activities for class. My only problem has been that teachers usually do not discuss lesson plans until the last minute, such as right before a class period, but I have taken the initiative to find teachers at least a day beforehand to coordinate about lesson plans.

The lessons themselves have been going well. I meet with all 18 classes (720 or so students) but I only see each class once every two weeks. The first two weeks of lessons I introduced myself to students and then opened the floor to Q&A and received questions as difficult as "What about free sex (premarital sex) in America?" (to which I gave a very general answer about personal decisions). The last two weeks consisted of speaking lessons, which were usually hit or miss the first time and then adapted to be reused in other classes. I have been trying as much as possible to create fun activities to go with the lessons in the book so that the students don’t fall behind. The students are for the most part very respectful and excited every time I walk into their classes, which I feed off of when I lead classes, and makes the lessons that much more exciting. My biggest challenge has been trying to find appropriate level of difficulty in creating lessons for each grade (10, 11, and 12). I have found however that each class is different and the more I meet with them the better able I am to discern their ability level on the whole.

As far as my schedule goes, I teach 16 hours in even weeks and 20 in odd weeks. In order to teach every class, my schedule includes Saturday classes, which I told Ibu Made that I do not mind. So, my off days are Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. To make up for the missing 4 hours in even weeks I spend some of my off periods talking informally with teachers, as was requested by the vice-principal. I was also asked to meet with students who are going to an English debate competition, so I spent extra time meeting with them. I realize that the Saturday classes and extra hours are not required in our contract, but I enjoy being able to help out at school and do not mind getting to converse with people at school outside of the classroom setting. In addition, I participate in a women’s gamelan orchestra at school. This has been one of the many highlights of experience at SMAN.

Basically, I look forward to going to school everyday. I have very positive interactions with everyone I encounter at school and I enjoy my classes. My experiences at SMAN have contributed to an overall amazing experience in Tabanan and to my own personal blossoming of character and personal development.